Health Food Rap

I ordered four hundred dollars worth of superfoods and supplements
while staying up all night, one night, reading reviews, filtering out the spam,
trying to find a place in New York where I can buy unpasteurized milk
with the rest of the food freaks like I did at the co-op in Cali
before they got raided by the FBI
Drug dealers and dairy farmers locked down in a ten-by-four,
C-block, cold clocking each other at the crack of dawn
I could turn this into a rap song, hillbilly hip-hop,
growing yoghurt, serving it live and raw
right to your black ass, but I digress
Those products have the most hilarious names
vitamineral, living fuel, evergreen…
the ultimate meal is freeze dried and crystalline
I’m drinking cod liver oil and creatine, cause ginseng is so nineties
like tofu which is bad for you unless it’s fermented like tempeh or seitan
or red wine, which is good and bad, but tastes kind of bland
and not nearly as nice as whisky, which I use instead of fruit juice
with the little plastic scoop they were so nice to include,
in every fucking bottle, leaching toxins into the water,
where’s my PH strip to test for acidity, bitch?

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